Monday, February 25, 2013

Last night

I don't know about you, but I usually remember my dreams. I suppose it's because someone is usually waking me up during REM. Anyway, I had a dream last night that I've been replaying over and over in my head. I dreamt that we had a house fire. It felt so real.
I've read about people who have lost every thing to a house fire and I've been on the scene as friends were surveying their home after such a tragedy. Having a house fire has always been a fear of mine. I suppose it's common. Everything gone in the blink of an eye. I just happen to be an incredibly sentimental person, which has trickled down to be eldest, to a degree that exceeds my own, so the thought of nothing but the memories of my possessions left, brings an ache to my heart.
Something that I've found myself doing, in the past, is scanning my house for those special things I would grab, if we had a fire, as I rushed out the door with my family. The computer...the special family photos...the kids' keepsake boxes, the honey's grandfather's medals, my pearls, the paintings honey did for me... I can picture myself now, with full arms. Feels disgraceful to me. I had the house fire dream twice. In the first dream, I frantically gathered up our special possessions, while the 5 of us rushed out the door. And in the other dream, I took nothing, just my family. In the last scenario, where I took nothing but our family and the memories in my heart, I felt no need to look back. Everything that mattered was right beside me and the sadness for my stuff just didn't matter because we were all safely together.
Thankfully, that was just a dream. To be honest, in my heart, I'm not to the point of that second scenario. Maybe I would surprise myself in the moment, but I know me and I would be hurting... With that said, I have some work to do on where my treasure is.  
The sermon, yesterday, was about Lot and how greed drove his life to utter pain and destruction. I would have to say that my greed is the stuff that makes up my home. It's all comforting to me and fills my soul with memories and that makes me happy. On mine and honey's 1 year anniversary, he painted me a picture of our first home. It's so special to me. It hangs in our bedroom today. On the back of the painting, he wrote, "You will always be my home." :)
Lately, I've been feeling like God is refining me. The process hurts, but I'm learning so much along the way.

No comments:

Post a Comment