Mamahood

Today is a weird feeling for me. As I sat at our dining table this morning, sipping my cup of coffee while two remote control cars jammed at my feet below, I saw all the little ones walking to school. It hit me differently than I thought it would. You see, today would have been my son's first day of kinder. Today I would have sent him off to school and life would have been different around here. Easier? Maybe. Quieter? Have you met my two youngest? But I would have gotten a solid 2-3 hour every day. Crap, is it too late to change my mind? Hold those doors! :)

A little over a year ago, my husband and I felt the Lord calling us to homeschool. I'm pretty sure when I say that to most people, it automatically puts me in the "weird" category. I know this :) I did that and still do that, to a degree. Old habits die hard. The call to homeschool was felt with great resistance, in the beginning. Homeschooling isn't a five day a week thing, it's a lifestyle and it was hard to imagine that being "us". I had to hear it in my soul for a while until I could verbalize it. I think I still need to hear it in my soul. I never pictured myself homeschooling. I didn't feel like I was equipped. I didn't own a denim skirt. Denim cut-offs? Yes. I didn't bun my long hair. But do I rock a top knot? Daily.
 
Last night as my husband and I were going to bed, he said, "Sometimes you're just dealt the cards and you have to make sense of the hand you're dealt." True dat. You don't really get to pick your life. As much as you want to believe that, it just isn't true. Of course we make decisions that effect our lives and do some of the picking, but sometimes things just happen and we have to go with it. Now I know better. Now I am knowing better.

Even though my baby isn't at school today, like yours may be. I still feel like our hearts are intertwined because we're mamas and there is nothing like a mama's love. 5 and a half years have truly been a blink. I'll be out running some errands today. If we see each other, let's hug. Being a mama is tough sometimes.